Week 6

Insomnia started kicking in again. I thought my insomnia and heart palpitations were the things of the past but as soon as I think so they remind me of themselves. I guess, I know the reason - unemployed, in a different country, living on savings, and anxious about the future. What can be worse? I can't remember the last time I was unemployed. I have always been working 14-16 hours a day and here you go, no job now. At least, I can speak English, it is a saviour. The other day I started volunteering as an ESL teacher and when I saw the immigrants living here for 3-5 years speaking pidgin English or no English I was terrified. After all, things are not that bad for us, we both speak the language. I honestly admire those people who, not having enough language proficiency, decide to immigrate. My first day as a volunteer didn't start well. The temperature was -30 and I couldn't feel my nostrils, my eyebaalls, I thought, were threatening to turn into icicles, I couldn't open and close them without pain. The weather was so nasty. I better be in +50 in a Saudi desert than -30 here. I just hope this ugly weather goes away soon. I can't wait for chinook. Calgary looks so ugly when the weather is so cold. My first impressions of the city were not positive at all. I remember I compared Calgary to St. Louis and someone said "I heard it is an ugly city" to which I replied "So is Calgary" and bit my lip. I can never hold my tongue...Well, Calgary is not a pretty city, to me, it looks like any mid-west city in the US, I cannot see anything different here, yet, people keep talking about unique Canadian culture. I thought even Lincoln, NE was better. Calgary from the plane reminded me of some rural town with tall building in the center and spread out paper houses and condos around.
Well, social system, government and lots of things maybe different but wherever you go you see Walmart, Shoppers (copy paste of Walgreens), Coop, Safeway, roads like in the US. There are no visible signs of uniqueness. Maybe later when I start integrating more I will see the differences but now I can't see much and I can't tell the difference. Well, there is a difference: everything is MUCH slower here. Permanent residence cards have not arrived yet, health cards we got after a month, the only thing that worked fast was the bank and the banks stay open till 8 pm, which I think is great. All the rest seems to take an eternity. Also, I can feel the time here. It is when you live in a place for a month and it seems like a year. This feeling is non existent in the US, the pace of life is unimaginably fast, in the twinkling of an eye the year is gone.
Houses here deserve my special attention. We call them cardboard houses. Whether it is condo or a house, they are all built of thick cardboard, most are wooden framed. It is so funny I feel like we are living in a match box. we are lucky to have got a newly renovated condo with a lovely balcony. But it is still a match box. When I think of condos back home made of concrete and solid bricks it feels strange how despite of the fact that we live in a match box, it is much warmer here with the temperature - 35 and how cold it can get back home when the temperature drops to +3-+5, the apartment turns into a freezer and the electricity company benefits most from this (cos all my heaters are(were) on). And here this match box is so warm that I wear shorts and a tank top inside.
Food is another story! What I miss most from back home is FOOD! The smell of freshly baked ORGANIC bread with nice ORGANIC goat cheese and sweet watermelon. Hmmm...I looked at bread here and was terrified - it is a mixture of an elephant with a monkey, I read words like ammonium chloride, calcium sulphate monoglycerides sound scary to say the least. what happened to that nice bread made of flour, yeast and water??? That is how we bake it! I am not a good baker but I am determined to bake my own bread as soon as I find organic wholewheat flour. I miss Mom's meat pies most. That fantastic mouthwatering meat pie with ORGANIC meat, potatoes, onions and herbs. I could smell it when I got close to the block. Or Mom's rice. People talk here about Chinese food and how 'awesome' that is. I can't eat it, well, I tried to eat it and I can eat it but I don't enjoy it at all. I don't like seafood, soy sauce and MSGs that is added to it. And I am not a particular fan of sticky Jasmine rice. Mom's fantastic plov is incomparable, it is not cooked in a rice cooker but in a special rice pot. It has a delicious rice crust made of yogurt, eggs, rice, coriander seeds and a bit of cumin powder. After that, eating white sticky rice is a sin for me. Well, it is 2.20 am, I am off to bed now.

One month in the land of eternal cold!

It has been almost a month since we arrived in Calgary as immigrant, left our cosy home, relatives, and moved to nowhere. I mean, to a place where no one knows us, waits for us or cares about us. I ask Ahmed frequently if it was really worth it. It is too early to say now. I can say that I love our new home, I like the location of our new apartment, I was happy to come HOME from the airport. It was all possible thanks to Ludmila, who found this place for us. We settled in quite comfortably and with no hassle. Furniture purchase was possible thanks to Leigh, a fantastic Saskatchewan girl, who made us feel loved and accepted. There so few people in the world that you feel affection to. When I saw Leigh it was like seeing a sister. And then there was Kim, who we liked a lot too. She invited me to a lovely dinner theater, which gave me an idea of what can be done in Calgary once you have a bit of extra cash and want a bit of culture.
Still I keep asking myself why we really moved here. The second day I was here I realized one thing - I felt calm and stress-free. I wonder why on earth it happened and how. Then when I looked around and saw no traffic jams, no overcrowded streets, no maniac drivers who scare the s..t out of you when they drive, no drivers honking their bloody horns demanding that you yield threatening to run you over if you don't. There is no rush, no stress, no poverty that you see in the streets. I can understand those people who are well off at home and are ready to leave everything to move to the west. I think once you achieve a certain level of financial security you want to see happy people around. You can't live in a bubble, you go out sometimes. Seeing unhappy people who can barely make both ends meet cannot make people happy unless one is so insecure and tries to establish oneself at the expense of others. One starts thinking about equality and justice for all. I realized what made me unhappy at home. Yeah, a fantastic country with rich oil reserves, great climate, mountains, beaches, family, friends, what else can one wish for??? But the feeling of walking on the glass floor was always present, the fear of losing what you have, the fear of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It has gotten much better but this bugging feeling somewhere down inside made it impossible for me to stay home. Plus, the travel lust, the challenge of being able to do what most people didn't dare to dream of was appealing too. Yeah, entering a country legally without being a liability for the country is a different thing. I have seen too often marginal people who were ready to sell everyone and everything to go to a country, in the US, in Europe these marginals would step over all their principles to get their goal such as claim to be refugees, gold diggers, invent lies. There used to be the time when I despised such people for having no principles. Do I blame them now? I don't. We all are responsible for our actions. I am just proud that up until now I followed my principles. Here I am, Canada!!!

Week 5

It has been 5 weeks since we set foot on the land of eternal cold. It has been 5 weeks of job search as well. Today I had an employment coaching session with a great local guy Josh who gave me some tips about my CV. Apparently, CVs should change according to the job. You can't apply for a managerial position if you have only teaching experience. Tip1 - modify it according to the skills required for the job. Well, I have to rework it again. What an irony: I used to teach my students how to write a CV, it seems like it is my turn to relearn some of my skills. Anyway, I talked to Josh who seems to be a nice guy. We talked a lot about where I come from and how different things are. I mentioned that it is interesting that when one goes to a 'developed' country, the assumption is that those who enter the country will kneel down and kiss the land. I can't blame anyone for thinking that way since the majority of immigrants was under-privileged in their own country and people are simply happy to escape. Well, seeing highly educated, fluent in English immigrants is not a common phenomenon. I sometimes wonder myself how some people here get a job, you need to know how to express your ideas, to say the least.
Anyway, today's meeting was interesting. We went to Tim Horton's, famous Canadian coffee shop and continued talking about Canada. I must have seemed pretty frustrated about our current situation cos when he asked me if I liked it in Calgary I said 'not really'. Well, unemployed, no friends, no family, no one to turn to if in need (except for 911, I guess), no one to talk to since everyone is busy with their own lives. Who the hell cares about these immigrants who come from God knows where...Can't blame anyone and I can't expect anything different anyway. This is the life I saw in the US and, no matter how incompatible it maybe with my cultural background, I decided to embrace this new life. I had a choice at least, I should grateful to my fate for that. Many people do not have such a choice.
Yesterday I had my first interview and I am waiting for an answer. We'll see. I will be happy to get something but I am not too hopeful. The location seemed quite far away from the LRT line, somewhere in SE, although the bus service seems to be pretty regular and timely. The interviewers were quite nice and impressed but you never know. If I don't get the job I will try not to be too upset about it - there will be other opportunities, I am sure. Plus, things are not that bad after all if I got my first interview after 5 weeks of being here. It was actually quite interesting to walk into the building and see all these different people from different countries, colors and backgrounds coming to CIES for their English classes. It reminded me of a British TV show of the 1960s when an English teacher, Mr.Brown starts teaching a class of students from different countries. It is a hilarious TV shows, not very PC but I'd prefer Ms. Courtney saying "FOREIGNERS!" with frustration to seeing plaster smiles on people's faces thinking "BLOODY FOREIGNERS, what the hell are you doing here?" Well, anyway, that place must be a fun place to work at.